This is the first part of a short story that would unwind right here on callcentrediaries...and is dedicated to all the awesome trainers that made the honeymoon period a memorable experience...
Shweta waited as the machine rolled out coffee into the small cup. Her fifth cup of the night, she mused and grabbed it. She did not care which cup it was...as long as it was hot and warm she was happy. With the cup held in one hand and the pack of cigarette in another she stood in front of the door, feeling unsure as to how to open it! "There...let me help you." the voice was definitely masculine as a hand slided from behind her and pulled the door open. Shweta looked around at her saviour and found herself staring at a set of dark eyes under thick dark eye brows that seemed to meet in centre. He was someone she had never seen in office before for she was certain had she seen him she would have recalled a face like this one. Smiling her thanks she walked out into the pleasant night. It had rained a little while ago and there was a sweet smell in the air that refreshed her senses. She looked around and saw him lighting a cigarette. Presently he looked towards her and she asked for the matchbox. A matchbox was lying snuggly in the pocket of her jeans yet she felt like talking to this man. There was just something in his eyes."Sure...""Thanks again.""My pleasure lady."Shweta smiled and looked around."Training?" he asked and Shweta nodded."Yup. I joined three days ago.""Welcome to the organisation!' he said and after a polite smile he walked away towards the other corner. Shweta kept staring long after he was gone. She had never ever imagined that just one look could do that to her. Three long days of induction and her first night on the job! Or rather the first night of a month long training! She had liked it so far. Just two hours in it and she was enjoying. "There you are!" the girl who was in her team caught up with her. She was a pleasant enough girl, short in height and extremely thin with straight black hair and a slightly long face. Shweta smiled at her and kept looking in the direction the man had left."You looking for someone?" the girl...Neha...asked and Shweta recounted the stranger that she would have hard time forgetting."Did youa ask him which process he was working in? Or his name in the least?" she asked and Shweta frowned."No...why?'"Did you attend the induction or what? Remember there are three thousand people working in this place day in and out with over 18 processes. Chances are lady...you might never see this man again!"Shweta looked at the girl and felt disappointed. That was true indeed. There were chances she would never see him again. Gulping down the liquid she walked behind Neha, feeling grumpy and lost. She should have asked his name...introduce herself or something like that. She found a seat towards the end of the bay. All of a sudden she was not intersted in the training. There trainer was nice...had seemed friendly yet she found herself thinking about the man...the one man who in all probability she might never see again. The door to the room opened as her trainer walked in followed by a man of about 6 in height. He was dressed casually in blue denims and a cream colored shirt tucked in ever so neatly. His hair were thick and mouth curved in a pleasant smile. Her eyes locked with his, the deep black eyes that seemed to read her very soul...Shweta felt her heart skip a beat as her trainer spoke..."Please meet Sanjay...my colleague and your second trainer!"
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Feel Like a Woman!
I woke up with a dream in my eyes today morning, the dream of a beautiful kitchen. Strange as it may seem but I just can't take out that kitchen from my mind. It was done in shades of brown with a semi circular end that had the stove and a chimney on top, making it look like an alcove of sorts. The slab in the middle was perfectly placed, not breaking down the path nor making the kitchen look any smaller.
People might wonder what's wrong with me? Why am I talking about a kitchen this early? Why am I talking about a kitchen at all?
Well because I am amused by the change in me. The things that I never paid attention to are now glaringly important for me. I worry about my skin....for the first time in my life I actually had a sleepless night about a zit on my face!!! I think & dream about kitchens! I worry about my wardrobe...my hair...its like all of a sudden I just feel like being a woman!
I was not a tom boy by any means. I had my own style yet I hated all the fuss about combing your hair thirteen times in 15 minutes routine, the look in the mirror and rectify my make up minutes, the oh my god am I looking fat stuff!!!
We can discount the last in the sense because I am fat to the extent that asking this question won't be wise! Yet for the first time in how many years I just want to look pretty!!!
I always managed to...but once the make up was in place it would take a nice daant from mama to 'touch it up!'. But now I am a little too conscious about all that.
I was always a woman...yet I had guarded myself from all the 'girly' stuff!
Today all I want to say is...MAN...I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!
People might wonder what's wrong with me? Why am I talking about a kitchen this early? Why am I talking about a kitchen at all?
Well because I am amused by the change in me. The things that I never paid attention to are now glaringly important for me. I worry about my skin....for the first time in my life I actually had a sleepless night about a zit on my face!!! I think & dream about kitchens! I worry about my wardrobe...my hair...its like all of a sudden I just feel like being a woman!
I was not a tom boy by any means. I had my own style yet I hated all the fuss about combing your hair thirteen times in 15 minutes routine, the look in the mirror and rectify my make up minutes, the oh my god am I looking fat stuff!!!
We can discount the last in the sense because I am fat to the extent that asking this question won't be wise! Yet for the first time in how many years I just want to look pretty!!!
I always managed to...but once the make up was in place it would take a nice daant from mama to 'touch it up!'. But now I am a little too conscious about all that.
I was always a woman...yet I had guarded myself from all the 'girly' stuff!
Today all I want to say is...MAN...I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!
Monday, November 27, 2006
TOUCHWOOD!!!
The two girls walked around the park, each battling with a strange thought. Ayesha felt the strange tension envelope them. She could barely imagine the secret Nitika was about to share with her. Yet if Niti had something to talk about then Ayesha had all the time in the world. Niti walked in silence, her heart in a turmoil. Was it the right moment? Could she trust Ayesha? Would Ayesha judge her? She had know Ayu for over two years now and they somehow
understood each other. Looking at the students rushing through the ground Niti felt indecisive about her judgement agin but she just had to share it with someone and at that instant she could not share it with anyone other than Ayesha. They found a lonely spot and sat down for what was the first discussion of its kind...Niti looked definitely preoccupied, though Ayesha. What was it that was bothering her so much? What was it that Niti had to tell her? She waited patiently and accepted the silence that followed. Niti finally took a breath and looked at Ayesha."I am in love," she said and Ayesha waited. The silence made her think again. She had not heard the complete sentence. Was it what she had heard? Love?"Huh?' the first thought that crossed Ayesha's mind was...WHAT??? You are hardly twelve girl! We are hardly 12!!!""I know...I am in love. I have seen him around Ayu and there is just something about him. When today in the bus he sat by my side I just felt..."Ayesha was not listening anymore. Her mind was mingled with different emotions. A part of her heart was crying out in plain amusement...How weird!! and the other was trying to understand the look on the face. For some reason Niti looked pretty. Her eyes were alight with a passion she had never seen in them before. She was glowing with not the love of the man but just the idea of being in love. A smile broke on her lips as she sat and listened as her friend reconted her first ever crush...
They sat across the table, the silence broken occaionally by the click of the cup as Niti kept it back on the saucer. Ayesha held her glass of diet coke, savouring the moment. Life had walked wih them for a long time now...And they had come such a long way. She looked as Niti's face glowed under the dim light, eyes glittering due to the hint of tears. She looked as radiant as ever and Ayesha felt the affection bring back tears to her own eyes."You just love him so much..." Ayesha said and Niti smiled."I do..." her eyes wondered towards her friends for reasurance. It was just there...no words required to explain how she felt for this man. And no words required to explain to Ayesha...Sighing both looked at the table and then their hands went out to touch the wooden surface simultaneously as they said it out loud...'TOUCHWOOD'. The silence was instantly broken down with the giggle as the two friends revelled in the comfortable silence.
understood each other. Looking at the students rushing through the ground Niti felt indecisive about her judgement agin but she just had to share it with someone and at that instant she could not share it with anyone other than Ayesha. They found a lonely spot and sat down for what was the first discussion of its kind...Niti looked definitely preoccupied, though Ayesha. What was it that was bothering her so much? What was it that Niti had to tell her? She waited patiently and accepted the silence that followed. Niti finally took a breath and looked at Ayesha."I am in love," she said and Ayesha waited. The silence made her think again. She had not heard the complete sentence. Was it what she had heard? Love?"Huh?' the first thought that crossed Ayesha's mind was...WHAT??? You are hardly twelve girl! We are hardly 12!!!""I know...I am in love. I have seen him around Ayu and there is just something about him. When today in the bus he sat by my side I just felt..."Ayesha was not listening anymore. Her mind was mingled with different emotions. A part of her heart was crying out in plain amusement...How weird!! and the other was trying to understand the look on the face. For some reason Niti looked pretty. Her eyes were alight with a passion she had never seen in them before. She was glowing with not the love of the man but just the idea of being in love. A smile broke on her lips as she sat and listened as her friend reconted her first ever crush...
They sat across the table, the silence broken occaionally by the click of the cup as Niti kept it back on the saucer. Ayesha held her glass of diet coke, savouring the moment. Life had walked wih them for a long time now...And they had come such a long way. She looked as Niti's face glowed under the dim light, eyes glittering due to the hint of tears. She looked as radiant as ever and Ayesha felt the affection bring back tears to her own eyes."You just love him so much..." Ayesha said and Niti smiled."I do..." her eyes wondered towards her friends for reasurance. It was just there...no words required to explain how she felt for this man. And no words required to explain to Ayesha...Sighing both looked at the table and then their hands went out to touch the wooden surface simultaneously as they said it out loud...'TOUCHWOOD'. The silence was instantly broken down with the giggle as the two friends revelled in the comfortable silence.
Monday, November 20, 2006
An apology
I have lost it. For the past three days I have been trying to write something yet I am failing miserably. Nothing I write gives me that satisfaction. My creativity is suffering. I stare for hours together at the screen as if words would call back to me, wake me up from the slumber my mind has forced upon me yet nothing really happens. My hands remain poised in front of the keyboard and eyes focussed on a blank screen. And then I force them to start motion, write something atleast and then words start forming only to be deleted a while later. Why is it happening? I wish I could talk about it. Yet I am not too keen on divulging the secret. But write I must...to unburden the words that are waiting on my fingertips...Three days ago I was almost certain what I wanted to write about. I even talked about it with the person it was concerned with and then by the time the pleasant conversation ended there was nothing left to say. I would not say I cried for I did not. Yet I felt a strange pain settle somewhere close to my heart. I know I was wrong, maybe obstinate and completely out of line. I know I was downright rude by the end...yet the damage was done!
Who was hurt more I can not comment. But the fact remains that I hurt the only person I call my sunshine!I have known him for close to 6 years now...infact 7 years. The acquaintance was a joke in the beginning, one of the many teenage whims. Yet with age things changed. As I went on to understand him, things began to change. He was a boy unlike any other I had ever met...outgoing, funny and downright arrogant. For some strange reason I never hated his humongous attitude for there was never false ego. In one simple sentence he was the boy who loved himself...totally. It was completely infectious. His laughter was resonant, and no matter how blue my mood was...ten minutes after talking with him I was smiling ear to ear. The only person who could call me an Idiot a 100 times without irking me. Many of my diary entries refer to him as the feel good factor! As I sat around, trying to understand him I saw him change from a totally 'biggra' boy to a responsible and considerate man. His laughter did not change, nor did the criticisms get any softer (infact they grew!), his self love increased and he remained essentially the same! At times I like to believe that he never changed...it was just that with time I started to understand him a bit better. Yet I feel I don't know him at all.
He can carry himself extremely well, his voice is textured, accent refined and mannerisms perfect. He would smile and frown at you, raise his eyebrow in mockery and laugh out loud when you realize the reason and blush like a kid. He would chide you for your behaviour, scream his exasperation yet never loose his control. He is still the man who could make the bluest day just fade into memories...if bharti is the comfortable cool of the night that will just wait patiently by my side, he is the sunshine that would make all the miseries look insignificant.
And being the Idiot that I am I hurt him. Just one sentence and I felt dark clouds gather around. Sometimes I think I do it on purpose for I love the clouds. They promise me shelter from getting burnt. Was it my fear? I don't want to dwell on it any more. For the moment I am happy with the comfort of darkness around me. Yet I know I have hurt someone and he did not deserve that. For that reason all I want to say is that I am sorry.
Who was hurt more I can not comment. But the fact remains that I hurt the only person I call my sunshine!I have known him for close to 6 years now...infact 7 years. The acquaintance was a joke in the beginning, one of the many teenage whims. Yet with age things changed. As I went on to understand him, things began to change. He was a boy unlike any other I had ever met...outgoing, funny and downright arrogant. For some strange reason I never hated his humongous attitude for there was never false ego. In one simple sentence he was the boy who loved himself...totally. It was completely infectious. His laughter was resonant, and no matter how blue my mood was...ten minutes after talking with him I was smiling ear to ear. The only person who could call me an Idiot a 100 times without irking me. Many of my diary entries refer to him as the feel good factor! As I sat around, trying to understand him I saw him change from a totally 'biggra' boy to a responsible and considerate man. His laughter did not change, nor did the criticisms get any softer (infact they grew!), his self love increased and he remained essentially the same! At times I like to believe that he never changed...it was just that with time I started to understand him a bit better. Yet I feel I don't know him at all.
He can carry himself extremely well, his voice is textured, accent refined and mannerisms perfect. He would smile and frown at you, raise his eyebrow in mockery and laugh out loud when you realize the reason and blush like a kid. He would chide you for your behaviour, scream his exasperation yet never loose his control. He is still the man who could make the bluest day just fade into memories...if bharti is the comfortable cool of the night that will just wait patiently by my side, he is the sunshine that would make all the miseries look insignificant.
And being the Idiot that I am I hurt him. Just one sentence and I felt dark clouds gather around. Sometimes I think I do it on purpose for I love the clouds. They promise me shelter from getting burnt. Was it my fear? I don't want to dwell on it any more. For the moment I am happy with the comfort of darkness around me. Yet I know I have hurt someone and he did not deserve that. For that reason all I want to say is that I am sorry.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Milestone 25!
25...just a number. Yet today it is more than just that in my life. For so many reasons...
When I had barely joined the call centre a good friend once asked me what was it that I wanted to do...and I knew that I had to set goals for myself. I pondered over and over, tried to analyse what all i wanted to do and decided that I should have a definite goal. The only thing i came up with just one...have to earn a minimum package of 50G by the age of 25...own and drive my own car by the age of 25...complete my first book by the age of 25...
It is anybody's guess that what was simply my goal was to achieve a certain something by that age. Then why now am I refering to this number?
In July 2007 I would be 25.
When Deepti tagged me I pondered...thought and analysed how to disturb the pattern to make it more me. And the answer was a simple 25...My idea...stating 25 things I have done and 25 I would want to do. Majority are from the list...the rest I would be adding to...shall I say...customize the tag a bit!
Here goes the 2 twenty fives...
25 Miles already travelled...
1. Climbed a mountain
2. Said 'I love you' and meant it...(do that often:))
3. Stayed up all night and watched the SUNRISE
4. Slept under the stars
5. Changed a baby's diaper
6. Watched a meteor shower
7. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
8. Asked out a stranger
9. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
10.Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
11.Adopted an accent for an entire day
12.Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
13.Had two hard drives for your computer (Just got that!)
14.Taken care of someone who was drunk
15.Had amazing friends (STILL HAVE THEM...TOUCHWOOD!)
16.Taken a road-trip
17.Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
18.Played in the mud
19.Played in the rain
20.Toured ancient sites
21.Got flowers for no reason
22.Performed on stage
23.Buried one of your parents
24.Had an entire black wardrobe...(In totality...my mother shrieked after
she realised I actually had no other color to wear!!!)
25.Had a series of weird dreams about people I know that came true!!!
ANd Miles to go before I Sleep...
1. Watch Wild Whales in their natural habitat
2. Dance with a stranger in a foreign land
3. Take a Ferrari for a test drive
4. Visit Paris
5. Stand on top of a lighthouse and look at the sea.
6. Go bagpacking in European countryside
7. Start a business
8. An evening in gobdola in Venice.
9. Be on a television show as an EXPERT!!! (wow wow wow)
10.Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (I just worry about coming back up!)
11.Skip all school reunions
12.Eat Shushi...
13.Go on a much planned vacation with someone special
14.Swim in the moonlight.
15.Walk on the beach on a full moon night...
16.Own atleast 10 different black shoes!
17.Be in shape and have a Sexy Black evening dress.
18.Get my work published
19.Witness the ALPS and the PYRAMIDS
20.Stroll in the Paris by myself
21. Own a house in Mussourie
22.Swim with Wild Dolphins
23.Read Gone with the Wind
24.Gift a Mercedes to my nephew on his 18th b'day.
AND
25. GET A SALARY PACKAGE OF 50 G A MONTH BY MY 25TH B'DAY...
When I had barely joined the call centre a good friend once asked me what was it that I wanted to do...and I knew that I had to set goals for myself. I pondered over and over, tried to analyse what all i wanted to do and decided that I should have a definite goal. The only thing i came up with just one...have to earn a minimum package of 50G by the age of 25...own and drive my own car by the age of 25...complete my first book by the age of 25...
It is anybody's guess that what was simply my goal was to achieve a certain something by that age. Then why now am I refering to this number?
In July 2007 I would be 25.
When Deepti tagged me I pondered...thought and analysed how to disturb the pattern to make it more me. And the answer was a simple 25...My idea...stating 25 things I have done and 25 I would want to do. Majority are from the list...the rest I would be adding to...shall I say...customize the tag a bit!
Here goes the 2 twenty fives...
25 Miles already travelled...
1. Climbed a mountain
2. Said 'I love you' and meant it...(do that often:))
3. Stayed up all night and watched the SUNRISE
4. Slept under the stars
5. Changed a baby's diaper
6. Watched a meteor shower
7. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
8. Asked out a stranger
9. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
10.Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
11.Adopted an accent for an entire day
12.Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
13.Had two hard drives for your computer (Just got that!)
14.Taken care of someone who was drunk
15.Had amazing friends (STILL HAVE THEM...TOUCHWOOD!)
16.Taken a road-trip
17.Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
18.Played in the mud
19.Played in the rain
20.Toured ancient sites
21.Got flowers for no reason
22.Performed on stage
23.Buried one of your parents
24.Had an entire black wardrobe...(In totality...my mother shrieked after
she realised I actually had no other color to wear!!!)
25.Had a series of weird dreams about people I know that came true!!!
ANd Miles to go before I Sleep...
1. Watch Wild Whales in their natural habitat
2. Dance with a stranger in a foreign land
3. Take a Ferrari for a test drive
4. Visit Paris
5. Stand on top of a lighthouse and look at the sea.
6. Go bagpacking in European countryside
7. Start a business
8. An evening in gobdola in Venice.
9. Be on a television show as an EXPERT!!! (wow wow wow)
10.Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (I just worry about coming back up!)
11.Skip all school reunions
12.Eat Shushi...
13.Go on a much planned vacation with someone special
14.Swim in the moonlight.
15.Walk on the beach on a full moon night...
16.Own atleast 10 different black shoes!
17.Be in shape and have a Sexy Black evening dress.
18.Get my work published
19.Witness the ALPS and the PYRAMIDS
20.Stroll in the Paris by myself
21. Own a house in Mussourie
22.Swim with Wild Dolphins
23.Read Gone with the Wind
24.Gift a Mercedes to my nephew on his 18th b'day.
AND
25. GET A SALARY PACKAGE OF 50 G A MONTH BY MY 25TH B'DAY...
Monday, November 06, 2006
A Glimpse of Gauri
To all those who don't know, Gauri is my latest creation. She is the Queen of the lot...the main protogonist of my first full fledged novel. Why am I giving an insight into her abhi se? Well...for at this very moment she is all I have...she is my inspiration as much as I am her imagination....(conscious interchange of inspiration and imagination!)
Gauri sat on the cold bench, welcoming the chill in the air. Life, she thought, had a lot instore for her. She knew the next morning the sun would smile down at her and warm her. Yet...
Gently she touched her belly and felt the movement murmur the presence she could never deny.
"You look lost." Amit said and Gauri turned to look at the man, dressed in a blue cardigan, his curly hair indicating the slight wind.
"Maybe I am." She replied. She heard him sigh and sit besides her.
"It's not a good feeling."
"And why not?" Gauri asked.
"Well...Why would you like being lost?"
Gauri smiled and looked at the log of wood that was now gently simmering. Fire had consumed life out of it and made it into a pile of ash held together for another while.
"So that someone would find me." Gauri murmured and kept her gaze fixed at the burning ambers. She felt his eyes on her, felt the softness alight the dark eyes yet she kept staring at the fire. Her heart had no place for that softness. It felt nothing at the instant. A mean block of ice was placed in her chest, beating as if forced to. Every instant the cold became her. The fire failed to warm her frozen heart. She was waiting...for that moment when that fire would be her again. When warmth would course through her blood and make her alive...again!
Sighing she looked at Amit and smiled.
"I think I need to rest now."
"Sure." Amit stood up yet his smile was instantly replaced by concern for the lady in front. She was covered in beads of perspiration. Her eyes that had been cold were now wide with fear and acute pain.
"What's the matter?" he asked and Gauri sat on the bench again. Her heart was beating loudly in her chest now. A smile hovered over her lips. With the realization of pain she felt life flow into her.
"It's time...Chabili...the baby..." she gasped, fighting for air to fill her lungs. The fire was burning wildly now and she felt it in her body.
"Oh my god. You wait...I would call someone..."Amit said and she held on to his sleeve. Tears were forming in her eyes now...Warm tears of gratitude and pain mingled with fear.
"Don't leave me..." She said and held on to his arm and he looked down at the face glowing in the light of fire, the wide dark eyes blazing with such pain that rendered the woman an angelic aura. He stared transfixed and put his hand on the forehead lovingly...
"I would never leave you!"....
Gauri sat on the cold bench, welcoming the chill in the air. Life, she thought, had a lot instore for her. She knew the next morning the sun would smile down at her and warm her. Yet...
Gently she touched her belly and felt the movement murmur the presence she could never deny.
"You look lost." Amit said and Gauri turned to look at the man, dressed in a blue cardigan, his curly hair indicating the slight wind.
"Maybe I am." She replied. She heard him sigh and sit besides her.
"It's not a good feeling."
"And why not?" Gauri asked.
"Well...Why would you like being lost?"
Gauri smiled and looked at the log of wood that was now gently simmering. Fire had consumed life out of it and made it into a pile of ash held together for another while.
"So that someone would find me." Gauri murmured and kept her gaze fixed at the burning ambers. She felt his eyes on her, felt the softness alight the dark eyes yet she kept staring at the fire. Her heart had no place for that softness. It felt nothing at the instant. A mean block of ice was placed in her chest, beating as if forced to. Every instant the cold became her. The fire failed to warm her frozen heart. She was waiting...for that moment when that fire would be her again. When warmth would course through her blood and make her alive...again!
Sighing she looked at Amit and smiled.
"I think I need to rest now."
"Sure." Amit stood up yet his smile was instantly replaced by concern for the lady in front. She was covered in beads of perspiration. Her eyes that had been cold were now wide with fear and acute pain.
"What's the matter?" he asked and Gauri sat on the bench again. Her heart was beating loudly in her chest now. A smile hovered over her lips. With the realization of pain she felt life flow into her.
"It's time...Chabili...the baby..." she gasped, fighting for air to fill her lungs. The fire was burning wildly now and she felt it in her body.
"Oh my god. You wait...I would call someone..."Amit said and she held on to his sleeve. Tears were forming in her eyes now...Warm tears of gratitude and pain mingled with fear.
"Don't leave me..." She said and held on to his arm and he looked down at the face glowing in the light of fire, the wide dark eyes blazing with such pain that rendered the woman an angelic aura. He stared transfixed and put his hand on the forehead lovingly...
"I would never leave you!"....
Friday, November 03, 2006
Point 47....
Well...Prashant wrote a long list of his itches and the only itch that seemed to be unanimous was the POINT 47. What do women think when they check out men...
I ain't no expert but here are a few things that most of the women check out...
Hands...are they clean?
How does he laugh?
His clothes.....dirty? shirt tucked in?
Hair....nicely combed or unruly?
Hands....are they scratching?
Eyes....is he checking out my breast?
Lips....does he lick them too often?
His mobile phone....is he playing with it?
The bulk in the trousers....show me the money!
Hands....are the nails clipped? are they clean?
Smile....
Height....
approximate weight...
approximate length......
Does he slouch?
Let me see if he takes out a 100 ka note or 500 ka?
Hands...where is he keeping them...
And then almost all of them are thinking exactly the following things while checking out a guy...
He's...umm okay. What's with this guy? Am i looking okay? I should have worn that black dress...it would have made me look slimmer! Damn...is he checking me out? That ass...can't look at my face!/ Why is he not looking at my breast??? I should have worn a tighter top...damn! What did he say he was doing again? Hmm...would it look okay if i order a chicken sandwich...am so hungry...no he would think i am a pig...I should have left my hair open...damn is he going to say something/ Kitna bolta hain!......No watch? Nice phone....wish i could throw that in the bin....Oh what the hell....I bet he has never seen a better looking woman in his life...that bitch in white top is smiling...why can't she live with her own?/ Is that bitch smirking? God...why did he have to wear this weird combination....i mean a T on a Thursday???
Man I am sooooo hungry...I think I should take that Chicken Sub...To hell with the diet..."Just Irish Coffee for me...without cream..." Damn, will wait till he goes....
I ain't no expert but here are a few things that most of the women check out...
Hands...are they clean?
How does he laugh?
His clothes.....dirty? shirt tucked in?
Hair....nicely combed or unruly?
Hands....are they scratching?
Eyes....is he checking out my breast?
Lips....does he lick them too often?
His mobile phone....is he playing with it?
The bulk in the trousers....show me the money!
Hands....are the nails clipped? are they clean?
Smile....
Height....
approximate weight...
approximate length......
Does he slouch?
Let me see if he takes out a 100 ka note or 500 ka?
Hands...where is he keeping them...
And then almost all of them are thinking exactly the following things while checking out a guy...
He's...umm okay. What's with this guy? Am i looking okay? I should have worn that black dress...it would have made me look slimmer! Damn...is he checking me out? That ass...can't look at my face!/ Why is he not looking at my breast??? I should have worn a tighter top...damn! What did he say he was doing again? Hmm...would it look okay if i order a chicken sandwich...am so hungry...no he would think i am a pig...I should have left my hair open...damn is he going to say something/ Kitna bolta hain!......No watch? Nice phone....wish i could throw that in the bin....Oh what the hell....I bet he has never seen a better looking woman in his life...that bitch in white top is smiling...why can't she live with her own?/ Is that bitch smirking? God...why did he have to wear this weird combination....i mean a T on a Thursday???
Man I am sooooo hungry...I think I should take that Chicken Sub...To hell with the diet..."Just Irish Coffee for me...without cream..." Damn, will wait till he goes....
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
7-8 Lay them Straight!
I am tagged by Richa. And honestly I have been thinking what could be the ten things aboue me...
Well here goes nothing...
10 things that very few people know about me....
#1 I am scared of tall buildings....especially the closed barricaded ones.
#2 In fourth standard I aspired to be a doctor from AIIMS and find the cure of AIDS....those were the day:)
#3 After my Dad passed away, I started talking to him in my diary. The diary entry now always starts with Dear Papa...
#4 I want my stories to be made into Bollywood Movies...
#5 I started writin short stories when I was in ninth and my mother(who introduced me to the lovely world of books) took away all my books for my boards were approaching. The lack of books led me to write a story of my own that i could read!
#6 I started writing in the loo! & finished my first short story in the loo!
#7 I still give one blank call every year to my first crush from the net...can't help it...he had the sexiest damn voice I have ever heard!
#8 I wished to own a Retreat Spa...still do
#9 I am petrified of dying in a car accident.
#10 (Whew!) I am scared of being in a relationship. This fear is so intense that I would drive away any man who comes too close!
Well here goes nothing...
10 things that very few people know about me....
#1 I am scared of tall buildings....especially the closed barricaded ones.
#2 In fourth standard I aspired to be a doctor from AIIMS and find the cure of AIDS....those were the day:)
#3 After my Dad passed away, I started talking to him in my diary. The diary entry now always starts with Dear Papa...
#4 I want my stories to be made into Bollywood Movies...
#5 I started writin short stories when I was in ninth and my mother(who introduced me to the lovely world of books) took away all my books for my boards were approaching. The lack of books led me to write a story of my own that i could read!
#6 I started writing in the loo! & finished my first short story in the loo!
#7 I still give one blank call every year to my first crush from the net...can't help it...he had the sexiest damn voice I have ever heard!
#8 I wished to own a Retreat Spa...still do
#9 I am petrified of dying in a car accident.
#10 (Whew!) I am scared of being in a relationship. This fear is so intense that I would drive away any man who comes too close!
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Sharma ji
She waited patiently while he talked on with Sharmaji, smiling at herself. It was a habbit with him. He would always forget that she was waiting on the phone. Finally she heard him instruct Sharma ji about another work, chuckle and then his voice back on the phone.
"Sorry." He said and she laughed.
"No need. I quite enjoy listening into your talks with Sharma ji."
She heard him laugh and then they were chatting, Sharma ji forgotten for the time being. And then again...
"Hold on,...Sharmaji..."
"Now what?" she asked yet she knew she wasn't being heard. The attention was back to Sharma ji and she held on.
"Sorry again." he said, reverting back to the phone conversation.
"You and your Sharma ji..." she joked.
They talked on for another hour and then she kept down the phone.
Wondering what is it? Well it's not a story. Its a narration of the routine telephonic conversation I share with my dear friend Gaurav. Everytime I have called him in the past while he was in office, I have waited and listened on to his conversation with Sharma ji. I have joked about him too. He was somewhere always there but of no concern to me. Then why am i writing a blog entry for him?
I called my friend in the evening and this is the conversation that took place.
"Hi Gaurav."
"Hey Kanz," (Voice strained)
"You ok?" I asked, a bit worried.
"I have had a bad day."
I smiled, thinking he got another of his scoldings from his dad. It was always amusing to listen to him narrate. But then there was something out of place. Maybe something wrong at work.
"Well..." he sighed, "Do you remember the infamous Sharma ji?"
"Ofcourse I do. What about him?" I asked completely unaware of what was coming next my way.
"Well...he is no more."
The words sank in rather slowly and the first words that blurted out of my mouth were..."How can he just go like that?"
"People just go like that Kanz"....
We did not talk after that. He needed time and strangely I did too. I have never seen the man, he was just the foreman at my friends factory. Never have I ever talked with him. Have just heard him talking in the background, heard Gaurav joking with him and laughed at my friend and joked about Sharma ji. That's all. Yet...
While i write this post I have tears in my eyes. And though he was a nobody...I felt that i had lost someone.
This is because I know all of us come across people who mean nothing to us. They are not our friends, family or aquaintances. They are just there. Lurking in the background as we rush through our life. They don't bring changes in are life, they don't matter. Yet...you are oddly aware of their presence. And feel their loss.
Do you know a Sharma ji?
"Sorry." He said and she laughed.
"No need. I quite enjoy listening into your talks with Sharma ji."
She heard him laugh and then they were chatting, Sharma ji forgotten for the time being. And then again...
"Hold on,...Sharmaji..."
"Now what?" she asked yet she knew she wasn't being heard. The attention was back to Sharma ji and she held on.
"Sorry again." he said, reverting back to the phone conversation.
"You and your Sharma ji..." she joked.
They talked on for another hour and then she kept down the phone.
Wondering what is it? Well it's not a story. Its a narration of the routine telephonic conversation I share with my dear friend Gaurav. Everytime I have called him in the past while he was in office, I have waited and listened on to his conversation with Sharma ji. I have joked about him too. He was somewhere always there but of no concern to me. Then why am i writing a blog entry for him?
I called my friend in the evening and this is the conversation that took place.
"Hi Gaurav."
"Hey Kanz," (Voice strained)
"You ok?" I asked, a bit worried.
"I have had a bad day."
I smiled, thinking he got another of his scoldings from his dad. It was always amusing to listen to him narrate. But then there was something out of place. Maybe something wrong at work.
"Well..." he sighed, "Do you remember the infamous Sharma ji?"
"Ofcourse I do. What about him?" I asked completely unaware of what was coming next my way.
"Well...he is no more."
The words sank in rather slowly and the first words that blurted out of my mouth were..."How can he just go like that?"
"People just go like that Kanz"....
We did not talk after that. He needed time and strangely I did too. I have never seen the man, he was just the foreman at my friends factory. Never have I ever talked with him. Have just heard him talking in the background, heard Gaurav joking with him and laughed at my friend and joked about Sharma ji. That's all. Yet...
While i write this post I have tears in my eyes. And though he was a nobody...I felt that i had lost someone.
This is because I know all of us come across people who mean nothing to us. They are not our friends, family or aquaintances. They are just there. Lurking in the background as we rush through our life. They don't bring changes in are life, they don't matter. Yet...you are oddly aware of their presence. And feel their loss.
Do you know a Sharma ji?
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Instant Coffee
Weird title. But then that was the first thing that came to my mind when I opened the page and decided to write a post where in I would share some of the weird questions of my life and then Tag Deepak and SUBHADIP...and Bharti...if i can manage to get her to come to my page...her blog has been dead too long
And Woodie...Kindly add a TAGGED AGAIN AND AGAIN...cause the same goes for you.
Basically anyone who goes through this....he he he
Its a very simple questionnaire....kindly keep the answers limited to a word or a phrase!
1. When I look at the stars...I Smile
2. Rains...a good book!
3. Happiness is...my nephew's smile!
4. Books...best friend
5. Men/Women(Whichever applicable)....can't do without!
6. Love is....a two way road!
7. God...Faith
8. Summer of 69?...Cafe Coffee Day
9. Pride....& Prejudice
10. Life...INSTANT COFFEE!!!!!
And Woodie...Kindly add a TAGGED AGAIN AND AGAIN...cause the same goes for you.
Basically anyone who goes through this....he he he
Its a very simple questionnaire....kindly keep the answers limited to a word or a phrase!
1. When I look at the stars...I Smile
2. Rains...a good book!
3. Happiness is...my nephew's smile!
4. Books...best friend
5. Men/Women(Whichever applicable)....can't do without!
6. Love is....a two way road!
7. God...Faith
8. Summer of 69?...Cafe Coffee Day
9. Pride....& Prejudice
10. Life...INSTANT COFFEE!!!!!
Thursday, October 19, 2006
White Memories
Woodsmoke talked about winters recently in her post and reminded me of the white memories of fog laden mornings and white nights. And today I felt the nip in the air tug at my sleeve, gently transporting me back. And hence the story...
She rubbed her eyes, wishing to rush back into her warm blanket. Then she saw the tall figure standing in the garden, dressed in a white cotton kurta pyjama with a thin shawl over his shoulder. Looking at him she dragged her feet towards the door, stopping to collect her shawl and clutch it tightly. There was a dense fog cover and she could not see anything beyond the white silhoutte.
"Good morning." she called out and the man turned, smiling at his youngest daughter.
"You are up?"
"Hmmm...what are you doing?" she asked and he smiled.
"Breathing the fog! It's wonderful. Come and try." he said and she obeyed. Standing right next to him she was shivering uncontrollably while he was oblivious of the chill.
"Let the chill be one with you. Come in contact with nature and you would not feel cold." he instructed and she looked with her young eyes up at the man.
"But Papa..."
"Shh...follow me." He said and stood with his arms outstretched, as if embracing the fog cover. His eyes closed and his mouth opened as he took in the fresh air, filling his lungs with the white blanket. Momentarily he stayed in that position and then opened his eyes.
"Your turn!"
She hesitated, not realising how it could be of any good to her, yet she followed. Her father was never wrong.
Her eyes closed and arms outstretched, she slightly opened her mouth. The cold rushed inside and she felt the air travelling through her throat and settling in her lungs. There was an uncontrollable moment of chill as her chest constricted in the cold. And then, unbelievably she felt sweat break on her forehead. Her body adjusted to the cold. She was a part of her surroundings. She turned and looked at her father, his face smiling down at her.
She closed her eyes again and felt the wind caress her senses, her heart beat wildly for a second and then she was at peace. Opening her eyes, she looked around and saw her 5 year old son looking quizzically at her.
"What are you doing ma? I am cold!" he said, rubbing his eyes.
"Doing something that my dad taught me when I was your age!"
"What?"
"You would do it?" she asked and he nodded. He would do anything his mom would say...She was never wrong.
And then she was teaching him the way once someone had taught her. looking at the white fog rushing to surround her she opened her arms...
She rubbed her eyes, wishing to rush back into her warm blanket. Then she saw the tall figure standing in the garden, dressed in a white cotton kurta pyjama with a thin shawl over his shoulder. Looking at him she dragged her feet towards the door, stopping to collect her shawl and clutch it tightly. There was a dense fog cover and she could not see anything beyond the white silhoutte.
"Good morning." she called out and the man turned, smiling at his youngest daughter.
"You are up?"
"Hmmm...what are you doing?" she asked and he smiled.
"Breathing the fog! It's wonderful. Come and try." he said and she obeyed. Standing right next to him she was shivering uncontrollably while he was oblivious of the chill.
"Let the chill be one with you. Come in contact with nature and you would not feel cold." he instructed and she looked with her young eyes up at the man.
"But Papa..."
"Shh...follow me." He said and stood with his arms outstretched, as if embracing the fog cover. His eyes closed and his mouth opened as he took in the fresh air, filling his lungs with the white blanket. Momentarily he stayed in that position and then opened his eyes.
"Your turn!"
She hesitated, not realising how it could be of any good to her, yet she followed. Her father was never wrong.
Her eyes closed and arms outstretched, she slightly opened her mouth. The cold rushed inside and she felt the air travelling through her throat and settling in her lungs. There was an uncontrollable moment of chill as her chest constricted in the cold. And then, unbelievably she felt sweat break on her forehead. Her body adjusted to the cold. She was a part of her surroundings. She turned and looked at her father, his face smiling down at her.
She closed her eyes again and felt the wind caress her senses, her heart beat wildly for a second and then she was at peace. Opening her eyes, she looked around and saw her 5 year old son looking quizzically at her.
"What are you doing ma? I am cold!" he said, rubbing his eyes.
"Doing something that my dad taught me when I was your age!"
"What?"
"You would do it?" she asked and he nodded. He would do anything his mom would say...She was never wrong.
And then she was teaching him the way once someone had taught her. looking at the white fog rushing to surround her she opened her arms...
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Two days ago is when this post should have come online yet due to work I coudn't do so. (i know its a lame excuse but it's true!)
Anyhow, what happened was a simple thing. As many know by now, my favorite spot in the call centres was the stairs outside the office where one and all could sit and chat for long hours (metaphorically!) with friends. And two days ago, after a long day's work I simply sat on the stairs and was reprimanded for the same!
It's professionally not acceptable they say! What can I say? I missed the good old days so very much!
Anyhow, what happened was a simple thing. As many know by now, my favorite spot in the call centres was the stairs outside the office where one and all could sit and chat for long hours (metaphorically!) with friends. And two days ago, after a long day's work I simply sat on the stairs and was reprimanded for the same!
It's professionally not acceptable they say! What can I say? I missed the good old days so very much!
Friday, October 13, 2006
Perspective
"When would we reach?" Shweta asked, cheking her watch for the tenth time in the last 5 minutes.
"Look at the traffic kid. Can't blame them. This is the worst rain I have ever seen in Delhi." Mohit spoke and looked back at the girl. She was happily looking at the rain, her face distorting everytime she looked at her watch.
"This is hardly anything." Shweta said and Mohit frowned.
"I agree. But then it is after such a long time we are witnessing a downpour like this. Delhi's weather has gone to the dogs I say!" Sameer joined in.
"True." Shweta agreed and looked at the rain. She loved it.
"What a life yaar...I mean..." Shweta said and Mohit frowned.
"What's wrong in this life?"
"Everything. Everyone is sleeping!"
"And missing the rain...perspective kid."
Shweta smiled smugly and looked at the long line of cars and trucks. The lights were blurring behind the curtain of rain.
"But we can't enjoy the rain!" Shweta grunted and Sameer lighted his n'th cigarette.
"Who said you can't?" Mohit asked and looked at Shweta with a wide grin.
"Life kid...enjoy the moment while it lasts!"
"So what you propose pal?" Sameer asked from behind the curtain of dense smoke.
Mohit looked at the traffic and then swiftly moved out of the cab as the driver made a noise. Shweta had no time to react, Mohit was already opening her door.
"Out!"
"You are crazy!" She laughed and Sameer looked with a silly grin on his face.
"Got that right!"
"Stop being silly. It's awesome! And you wanted to enjoy the rain."
Shweta looked at Mohit's face. It had not taken him time to be drenched. His hair were now plastered to his skull and water running down his face.
"No please. I'll get wet." Shweta resisted and backed towards Sameer.
"Well...what the hell." Sameer said and a while later he was out too...
Shweta looked with incredulity at the two guys, standing in the rain. She knew Mohit to be eccentric but Sameer?
"You coming out kid?" Mohit asked.
"No." Shweta said and made to close the door.
"Hey...come on. be a sport." Sameer said and Shweta hesitated. The rain looked too inviting.
"Today won't last forever Shweta!" Mohit yelled and Shweta stared. They were now standing in the middle of the road, laughing at her and then on a joke they shared. Mohit was right, she thought and looked at her shoes.
She breathed out and then knowing that it was perhaps the craziest thing she had ever done in her life till now she stepped out. The water was cold as it seeped through her t-shirt and glided down her back, driving all the air out of her lungs. Instantly life falled back in place. She was out of her home, it was three thirty in the morning and she was standing in rain. The guys clapped and Mohit bowed as if honoring a queen. Music was gliding out of the cab now and Mohit was holding her hand and swaying with the music. Shweta had a faint idea of how people would be looking at them, many would be laughing, some frowning and others not bothering. Without realising why she matched Mohit's step with her own and felt exhileration course through her.
Life...well...life was good.
"Look at the traffic kid. Can't blame them. This is the worst rain I have ever seen in Delhi." Mohit spoke and looked back at the girl. She was happily looking at the rain, her face distorting everytime she looked at her watch.
"This is hardly anything." Shweta said and Mohit frowned.
"I agree. But then it is after such a long time we are witnessing a downpour like this. Delhi's weather has gone to the dogs I say!" Sameer joined in.
"True." Shweta agreed and looked at the rain. She loved it.
"What a life yaar...I mean..." Shweta said and Mohit frowned.
"What's wrong in this life?"
"Everything. Everyone is sleeping!"
"And missing the rain...perspective kid."
Shweta smiled smugly and looked at the long line of cars and trucks. The lights were blurring behind the curtain of rain.
"But we can't enjoy the rain!" Shweta grunted and Sameer lighted his n'th cigarette.
"Who said you can't?" Mohit asked and looked at Shweta with a wide grin.
"Life kid...enjoy the moment while it lasts!"
"So what you propose pal?" Sameer asked from behind the curtain of dense smoke.
Mohit looked at the traffic and then swiftly moved out of the cab as the driver made a noise. Shweta had no time to react, Mohit was already opening her door.
"Out!"
"You are crazy!" She laughed and Sameer looked with a silly grin on his face.
"Got that right!"
"Stop being silly. It's awesome! And you wanted to enjoy the rain."
Shweta looked at Mohit's face. It had not taken him time to be drenched. His hair were now plastered to his skull and water running down his face.
"No please. I'll get wet." Shweta resisted and backed towards Sameer.
"Well...what the hell." Sameer said and a while later he was out too...
Shweta looked with incredulity at the two guys, standing in the rain. She knew Mohit to be eccentric but Sameer?
"You coming out kid?" Mohit asked.
"No." Shweta said and made to close the door.
"Hey...come on. be a sport." Sameer said and Shweta hesitated. The rain looked too inviting.
"Today won't last forever Shweta!" Mohit yelled and Shweta stared. They were now standing in the middle of the road, laughing at her and then on a joke they shared. Mohit was right, she thought and looked at her shoes.
She breathed out and then knowing that it was perhaps the craziest thing she had ever done in her life till now she stepped out. The water was cold as it seeped through her t-shirt and glided down her back, driving all the air out of her lungs. Instantly life falled back in place. She was out of her home, it was three thirty in the morning and she was standing in rain. The guys clapped and Mohit bowed as if honoring a queen. Music was gliding out of the cab now and Mohit was holding her hand and swaying with the music. Shweta had a faint idea of how people would be looking at them, many would be laughing, some frowning and others not bothering. Without realising why she matched Mohit's step with her own and felt exhileration course through her.
Life...well...life was good.
Beyond the lights!
She looked wearily at the rain and then at her watch. 3 in the morning...
"Why do you have to go to office?" her sister asked, her face in shadows, sipping on the glass of water. They were sitting in their kitchen. She sighed, feeling all the more guilty. But somebody had to close the doors when she left.
"The cab should be here any minute now."
She nodded and looked outside the window. Rain would not stop soon. If only Shweta did not need this job! Feeling bitterness fill her heart she stopped thinking. There was nothing they could do. Shweta was still young. Hardly 20...But she couldn't tell her not to work. The horn brought action to the kitchen as Shweta stood up hastily.
"Bye."
She smiled and walked beside her younger sister, looking as she rushed through in the rain to her cab, Shweta sat in the cab, her face showing no signs of regret as she hastily started chatting with the person sitting in the front seat. She looked once at her and smiled as the cab drove into the darkness of the night. The tail lights dying away as the rain fell harder.
She latched the door and walked back to the comforts of her warm bed. Sliding in her blanket she felt the woman sleeping beside her move.
"Shweta left?'
"Hmm."
The silence stayed on for a while. Then she heard the sobbing.
"Ma?"
"She should be sleeping in her bed."
"Ma please. It's Shweta's choice. "
The woman looked at the bedside clock and then at the snap hanging by the wall. The steady breathing from next to her told that her other daughter was asleep. She stiffled her tears. She couldn't do anything...her eyes drifted back to the picture on the wall holding her first ever hockey cup and then towards the wheel chair lying close to her bed.
The rain fell harder still...
"Why do you have to go to office?" her sister asked, her face in shadows, sipping on the glass of water. They were sitting in their kitchen. She sighed, feeling all the more guilty. But somebody had to close the doors when she left.
"The cab should be here any minute now."
She nodded and looked outside the window. Rain would not stop soon. If only Shweta did not need this job! Feeling bitterness fill her heart she stopped thinking. There was nothing they could do. Shweta was still young. Hardly 20...But she couldn't tell her not to work. The horn brought action to the kitchen as Shweta stood up hastily.
"Bye."
She smiled and walked beside her younger sister, looking as she rushed through in the rain to her cab, Shweta sat in the cab, her face showing no signs of regret as she hastily started chatting with the person sitting in the front seat. She looked once at her and smiled as the cab drove into the darkness of the night. The tail lights dying away as the rain fell harder.
She latched the door and walked back to the comforts of her warm bed. Sliding in her blanket she felt the woman sleeping beside her move.
"Shweta left?'
"Hmm."
The silence stayed on for a while. Then she heard the sobbing.
"Ma?"
"She should be sleeping in her bed."
"Ma please. It's Shweta's choice. "
The woman looked at the bedside clock and then at the snap hanging by the wall. The steady breathing from next to her told that her other daughter was asleep. She stiffled her tears. She couldn't do anything...her eyes drifted back to the picture on the wall holding her first ever hockey cup and then towards the wheel chair lying close to her bed.
The rain fell harder still...
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Waiting for Time!
Time, they say, will pass you by.
For me...time stayed. I stayed here, silently watching generations come and go. I heard the flute being played in the corner room, could feel the laughter gliding through the wind into my ears. I have seen it all. Yet not said a word. Men...of all shapes and sizes have crossed my path, some stayed under the tree, some looked over the wall and some simply drifted away into the night. Yes...I have seen them all.
Have felt the gentle steps of a child, playfully rolling a pebble. Have felt the fast steps of a young woman rushing past my gully...I have felt the brave soldiers stomping away with courage. Yet I have stayed.
With the passing time I saw the boulders turn into dust. With time I saw a seed turn into a wilted tree. Yet I have stayed where I was.
Many a secrets lie with me. And I stay here. I wish to walk away into time...I ask wind to take away those secrets into the depths of the desert, ask for rain to wash away the pain to the depths of the sea...have begged the drifting man to stop for once and rest by me...
Time, they say, will pass you by...
So it seems...
(Thanks to Deepak for lending me this beautiful picture.)
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Last Words
"A wise man once said, when you reach the last page of the book...close the book."
This phrase was repeated in the movie Love bug and it has stayed with me since the time I first heard it. Pessimistic, cynical and perhaps depressing...I would not know what to call it. Yet it talks of the realities of life as we know it. How many of us have reached the end of something yet we hold on to the last memory with dear life, staying with it as time slips by our hands. What was that wise man thinking? What did he wish for us to do? To stop fighting or to simply accept the end and move on. Different perspectives. One is optimistic if we wish to see it like that; the other - indication of accepting fate.
Why am I talking about this...I woudn't know. But this is what came into my head when I decided to write this blog entry. I felt myself asking the all too important question...was I holding on to the last page of this book (read a certain issue in my life) or am I ready to close the book and move on to the next. But experience tells me that the last word is all too important in any book.
A few favorite last lines/phrases/words that make a book are
Happily ever after...
If...
Maybe, just maybe...
I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.
Truly, would you not for less than that make the tour around the world?
It made me wonder if i was to close the book...what would be the all important last line...
or on which line would i want to close this book...
I am still thinking...what would be that last line of your book?
This phrase was repeated in the movie Love bug and it has stayed with me since the time I first heard it. Pessimistic, cynical and perhaps depressing...I would not know what to call it. Yet it talks of the realities of life as we know it. How many of us have reached the end of something yet we hold on to the last memory with dear life, staying with it as time slips by our hands. What was that wise man thinking? What did he wish for us to do? To stop fighting or to simply accept the end and move on. Different perspectives. One is optimistic if we wish to see it like that; the other - indication of accepting fate.
Why am I talking about this...I woudn't know. But this is what came into my head when I decided to write this blog entry. I felt myself asking the all too important question...was I holding on to the last page of this book (read a certain issue in my life) or am I ready to close the book and move on to the next. But experience tells me that the last word is all too important in any book.
A few favorite last lines/phrases/words that make a book are
Happily ever after...
If...
Maybe, just maybe...
I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.
Truly, would you not for less than that make the tour around the world?
It made me wonder if i was to close the book...what would be the all important last line...
or on which line would i want to close this book...
I am still thinking...what would be that last line of your book?
Friday, September 29, 2006
Life...
She sighed and groped for the glass of water, wondering why the screen was blurring so much. And then the tear trickled down her cheek...they had come knocking again. Yet she did not hate them. Like many people though she hoped that no one would see them. Glad that no one had noticed, she silently logged out and made her way to the roof.
Crossing the cafeteria she saw few colleagues sipping leisurely on their coffee at the Barista counter, few were otherwise busy eating and few more were talking on the phone. She felt a smile light her face. Some people could talk for endless hours...and it was 4 in the morning.
Warm breeze greeted her as she stepped out. Thankfully it was empty bar a man busy on his mobile and puffing away his cigarette. He wouldn't notice her, she thought and went towards the other side, putting the blanket of darkness between them to ensure nothing was visible. There, all alone she would be able to smoke in peace and cry. She had been trying hard to keep her cool but it was becoming all too difficult. He wasn't coming back, she thought and closed her eyes.
The cigarette was quick. Within seconds she felt the tears subsiding and her heart coming back to terms with the present.
"It is not going to help for long...you do know that...don't you?" the voice had no source. It was just there, the same husky baritone she had grown up loving. He was there, a cigarette in his hand, face lighted by his kind smile.
"My secret," he said and she smiled.
"I know. Ma told me."
He nodded and sat on the stair.
"Life goes on..."
"What if you don't want it to?" she asked bitterly and he smiled.
"You can't help it."
"I don't want to live. you know i don't. I just want to run away...from all of this..."
"Where would you run?" he asked patiently and she sighed.
"To a place where nothing would hurt anymore. Where I can live in ignorance of the pain of loving and loosing someone."
"Have you lost me?" he asked, his face blurring as tears filled her eyes.
The voice died away into the silence of her steady heartbeat. The tears were not there anymore. Yes she would never be able to hug him again, never feel his arms go around her in that comforting manner, would never feel his kiss on her forehead, would never have him reprimand her on being late or being stubborn. But she still had him...
She looked at the fading sky and found the star, shimmering in the dying night.
Barely two months ago her life had taken such a turn. She smiled from amidst her watery eyes as her lips moved in a whisper, "Happy Birthday Papa..."
Crossing the cafeteria she saw few colleagues sipping leisurely on their coffee at the Barista counter, few were otherwise busy eating and few more were talking on the phone. She felt a smile light her face. Some people could talk for endless hours...and it was 4 in the morning.
Warm breeze greeted her as she stepped out. Thankfully it was empty bar a man busy on his mobile and puffing away his cigarette. He wouldn't notice her, she thought and went towards the other side, putting the blanket of darkness between them to ensure nothing was visible. There, all alone she would be able to smoke in peace and cry. She had been trying hard to keep her cool but it was becoming all too difficult. He wasn't coming back, she thought and closed her eyes.
The cigarette was quick. Within seconds she felt the tears subsiding and her heart coming back to terms with the present.
"It is not going to help for long...you do know that...don't you?" the voice had no source. It was just there, the same husky baritone she had grown up loving. He was there, a cigarette in his hand, face lighted by his kind smile.
"My secret," he said and she smiled.
"I know. Ma told me."
He nodded and sat on the stair.
"Life goes on..."
"What if you don't want it to?" she asked bitterly and he smiled.
"You can't help it."
"I don't want to live. you know i don't. I just want to run away...from all of this..."
"Where would you run?" he asked patiently and she sighed.
"To a place where nothing would hurt anymore. Where I can live in ignorance of the pain of loving and loosing someone."
"Have you lost me?" he asked, his face blurring as tears filled her eyes.
The voice died away into the silence of her steady heartbeat. The tears were not there anymore. Yes she would never be able to hug him again, never feel his arms go around her in that comforting manner, would never feel his kiss on her forehead, would never have him reprimand her on being late or being stubborn. But she still had him...
She looked at the fading sky and found the star, shimmering in the dying night.
Barely two months ago her life had taken such a turn. She smiled from amidst her watery eyes as her lips moved in a whisper, "Happy Birthday Papa..."
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Is raat ki subah nahin...
She felt the cold shiver run through her...there was nothing she could do. The white fog had hidden everything from her sight. All she could see clearly was his grim face as he spoke in his mobile phone. Another half hour to kill, she reminded herself. The cabs were late because of the fog. And her shift was long over. Sighing she tried to force the cold coffee down her throat and then decided against it. He finally turned and looked at her. Her cab mate for the past 5 months now. He had never said anything other than the customary hi.
"You want to go inside and wait?" he asked.
"Not at all. I am liking it here."
He smiled and sat on the stairs so that she could see his dark hair. Many a times in the car she had wished to move her fingers through them. But that was something she did not have the guts for.
"So...talking to girlfriend?" she asked and he turned to look at her. The frown was replaced by a smile. He looked so innocent when he did that...she thought.
"Oh no. Was talking to a friend. He is leaving for Australia...so just..."
"Nice."
She smiled and looked away. It was so hard to talk to him. There was nothing she could do. It was perhaps because he never said anything. How hard it was to talk...and to think they talked for 8 straight hours in the job!!! He rubbed his hands and she stared.
"You are cold?"
"Aren't you?" he asked from chattering teeth and she shook her head.
"Not at all. Here...let me..." she said and took his hands into her warm ones. INstantly his face transformed.
"Better?" she asked, her eyes bright with a warmth she felt for him.
"Yes."
She withdrew her hands and looked at her watch. Sighing she stood up and walked to the door. He saw her from where he sat and took out a cigerette. His hands still felt the touch of hers...he still remembered the fire in her eyes. How he remembered the first day he had seen her, sitting in her cab patiently, waiting for him. The soft childish face bestowed with such warm eyes. Everything about this girl fascinated him. Her voice was sweet and clear, her manners left you in no doubt of her reserve. And her laughter while she took the calls could light up his face in seconds. How he wished he could talk to her...
He saw her through the curling smoke slowly making her way to the door. He so felt like rushing and opening the door for her. But he couldn't. And then she turned, bent ever so slightly on her stick.
"Coffee?" she asked him and he nodded.
"Uh...but how would you carry both the cups?" he asked and she laughed.
"Oh...I forgot."
And as she limped inside she knew he would never see her as anything more than a handicap and warm tears flooded her eyes.
"You want to go inside and wait?" he asked.
"Not at all. I am liking it here."
He smiled and sat on the stairs so that she could see his dark hair. Many a times in the car she had wished to move her fingers through them. But that was something she did not have the guts for.
"So...talking to girlfriend?" she asked and he turned to look at her. The frown was replaced by a smile. He looked so innocent when he did that...she thought.
"Oh no. Was talking to a friend. He is leaving for Australia...so just..."
"Nice."
She smiled and looked away. It was so hard to talk to him. There was nothing she could do. It was perhaps because he never said anything. How hard it was to talk...and to think they talked for 8 straight hours in the job!!! He rubbed his hands and she stared.
"You are cold?"
"Aren't you?" he asked from chattering teeth and she shook her head.
"Not at all. Here...let me..." she said and took his hands into her warm ones. INstantly his face transformed.
"Better?" she asked, her eyes bright with a warmth she felt for him.
"Yes."
She withdrew her hands and looked at her watch. Sighing she stood up and walked to the door. He saw her from where he sat and took out a cigerette. His hands still felt the touch of hers...he still remembered the fire in her eyes. How he remembered the first day he had seen her, sitting in her cab patiently, waiting for him. The soft childish face bestowed with such warm eyes. Everything about this girl fascinated him. Her voice was sweet and clear, her manners left you in no doubt of her reserve. And her laughter while she took the calls could light up his face in seconds. How he wished he could talk to her...
He saw her through the curling smoke slowly making her way to the door. He so felt like rushing and opening the door for her. But he couldn't. And then she turned, bent ever so slightly on her stick.
"Coffee?" she asked him and he nodded.
"Uh...but how would you carry both the cups?" he asked and she laughed.
"Oh...I forgot."
And as she limped inside she knew he would never see her as anything more than a handicap and warm tears flooded her eyes.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
A lesson not learnt!
Call centres prepared me for a load many things. Yet it never taught me the realities of life or to be put honestly, the facts about Corporates. At this moment all I can say is that either I am caught up in a wrong place or perhaps there is something completely wrong with me. A senior recently said, "Kanika apparently call centres treated you rather well...for what you are going through is very common in corporates. That is how they work..."
What to say?
The things about the place they call call centres was that there was always loads of work there. You hardly got anytime to sit idle. Thought your job was miniscule yet its importance was openly acknowledged and everybody was ready with a smile. They would never stare arrogantly at you, never did anyone ignore a greeting and people in general though mostly sleepy, were full of life and dreams. Corporates, apparently lack all of it. They work in a 9 to 5 environment, always waste more time then do anything productive, a complete lack of training and total politics.
I am wrong. I let my first job teach me that everyone is equal, it taught me the importance of time and getting the work done, it taught me the importance of sticking to your commitment, healthy working environment and happiness as the essence. It taught me that every penny is worth it only when at the end of the day when you sit on your bed your work has exhausted you such that you can sleep peacefully.
It never taught me that discriminations happen, that incompetence is always tolerated and that punctuality is a myth.
Maybe it made me too idealistic...or maybe i never learnt that all crucial lesson of Perceptions can be deceptive...
What to say?
The things about the place they call call centres was that there was always loads of work there. You hardly got anytime to sit idle. Thought your job was miniscule yet its importance was openly acknowledged and everybody was ready with a smile. They would never stare arrogantly at you, never did anyone ignore a greeting and people in general though mostly sleepy, were full of life and dreams. Corporates, apparently lack all of it. They work in a 9 to 5 environment, always waste more time then do anything productive, a complete lack of training and total politics.
I am wrong. I let my first job teach me that everyone is equal, it taught me the importance of time and getting the work done, it taught me the importance of sticking to your commitment, healthy working environment and happiness as the essence. It taught me that every penny is worth it only when at the end of the day when you sit on your bed your work has exhausted you such that you can sleep peacefully.
It never taught me that discriminations happen, that incompetence is always tolerated and that punctuality is a myth.
Maybe it made me too idealistic...or maybe i never learnt that all crucial lesson of Perceptions can be deceptive...
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Lesson 5: The night's the longest towards its end
Sitting outside in the chilling cold of a december night, sipping on coffee that is cold before the liquid touches your lips is an experience hard to forget. As the cold stairs chill your spine, you look at the endless fog cover and wonder, when would the sun descend on us and when would the night be over. You look at the watch and realise its only three...yet strange...while the night was still young, it was still fun.
I am not only talking about the night shift that tends to be the longest when only half hour is remainng, but the long undying gloom that surrounds us. You tend to wait for daybreak, some glimmer of hope yet the darkness tends to strengthen its grip around you and then it begins to tire you. While fatigue grips your heart and the cold makes you numb you wish that the misery would end and that you would simpy be done with. You plan to make an exit from the stage of life, believing that the end is near and that the night has no dawn...
But how wrong we are. For the darkness seem to act as a cushion, understanding your misery and offering a caress to your senses. That infinite darkness of a long night stretched across your eyes, broken only by slight flickering of stars is not the sign of an end, but of a new dawn, waiting to open its arms and welcome you into a world of opportunity.
Many give up before the dawn princess opens her wings wide...and those who hold on witness the miracle of the first rays of sun piercing the dark folds of gloom as the dawn princess glides into your life...
Hold on...the end is near...for a new beginning
I am not only talking about the night shift that tends to be the longest when only half hour is remainng, but the long undying gloom that surrounds us. You tend to wait for daybreak, some glimmer of hope yet the darkness tends to strengthen its grip around you and then it begins to tire you. While fatigue grips your heart and the cold makes you numb you wish that the misery would end and that you would simpy be done with. You plan to make an exit from the stage of life, believing that the end is near and that the night has no dawn...
But how wrong we are. For the darkness seem to act as a cushion, understanding your misery and offering a caress to your senses. That infinite darkness of a long night stretched across your eyes, broken only by slight flickering of stars is not the sign of an end, but of a new dawn, waiting to open its arms and welcome you into a world of opportunity.
Many give up before the dawn princess opens her wings wide...and those who hold on witness the miracle of the first rays of sun piercing the dark folds of gloom as the dawn princess glides into your life...
Hold on...the end is near...for a new beginning
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