A Promise worth keeping!

I am not happy. It's one of those days when you sit back and ponder over your decision, understand the consequences, realize how life has to go on and gear up for the next day. And while I was doing this and feeling like stopping the work I was doing, yet realizing that I must, I felt this urge to write, for there is no better medicine for my foul mood. It's that elixir that clears my head and gives me the strength to move ahead. Every single time I have felt life's situations clawing over my though process, my words have come to my rescue. And hence my decision to put my work aside, just sit for a while and pen them down.

And when I thought about writing a blog I recalled my husband complaining that I never write about him! In fact he complains that I don't write at all now. There are no letters, no love notes and no text messages!!!! Hence here I am, keeping my promise.

Before he frowns that I have wasted half a page, let me assure him that I would dedicate the remaining half to him. So here's a letter, only for you.

Dear Husband,

I still remember the time I first saw you, sitting on that table in the college cafeteria and strangely whenever, to this day, I think about you, I can remember you the way you were, the first time I saw you. I remember a lot many things as well, the look on your face when you saw me crying in the rain for the very first time, the anger when I whimpered about my inability to persist and then the concern with which you bandaged my injuries, the mock smiles of derision and the sweet smile of love and appreciation. There are just so many things that I think about whenever I think about you. Obviously then there are the days when anger consume me and I think of all the bad days but this aint't that day.

You have been a splendid friend Prashant. And more than that, you have been the support that can not be expressed. When I was going through the labor pains and crying out, just the look of calm on your face filled me with a sense of reassurity that you would take care of me, that no matter what happens, it would be all right in a matter of time. Your look of appreciation still fills me with a sense of pride and I appreciate the way I look. Your confidence in my abilities make me want to try harder and sometimes perhaps a bit arrogant! Yet no matter what, your presence in my life completes me like none other.

Yes there are days when we don't see eye to eye. But that's because we are married. However, at the end of every argument I have felt that no matter how I see it, no matter what the repercussions...being with you is a habit I can't quit! and moreover, I can't quit.

Not many understand why we are together. To a third person we both come across as headstrong personalities with deep resentment for authority. What they however don't understand is that for some reason both of us complement the other in ways which are surreal. For this I thank you.

There are many things that I have to thank you for but that would be a little personal for such a public forum.

I can't comment on the kind of husband you are but you are a splendid friend, an awesome guide and my soul mate!

I love you jaan. And this is a kept promise! Your turn.

Kanu

P.S Anniversary is round the corner...shud I remind you of various promises made but still pending!!!!!! :)

And so it happens!

Today is not a particularly happy day for me. My baby woke up when he realized that I had left my bed and started crying and calling for me, getting angry at the thought that I would be leaving him again. And I had to.
Its been a week that I have been working and every single day is a fight. The first day he was okay, the second he did not understand and now he does. I can hear him calling my name when I ring the bell in the evening and my heart cries out for leaving him for the entire day. And yet I know that it is for the best.
Yet today I felt I am making choices where I am giving precedence to my career. Today I realize that being a mother is not easy. FOr every decision which would be remotely selfish would make guilt run through your system and make you wonder if you are a good person.
Two years I was with him. I saw him grow, witnessed his antics, his small little tantrums, the way he started walking, making faces, repeating words. His first words, calling me ma...I remember everything and would never truly forget. And yet I collected myself, got dressed and left the house.

Sometimes being a mother is more about ensuring the future of your child. You need to compromise on the present only because you know that tomorrow is yet to come. Decisions today would alter my tomorrow. I only pray from god that I don't make a wrong one today in hope of a tomorrow!