Today is not a particularly happy day for me. My baby woke up when he realized that I had left my bed and started crying and calling for me, getting angry at the thought that I would be leaving him again. And I had to.
Its been a week that I have been working and every single day is a fight. The first day he was okay, the second he did not understand and now he does. I can hear him calling my name when I ring the bell in the evening and my heart cries out for leaving him for the entire day. And yet I know that it is for the best.
Yet today I felt I am making choices where I am giving precedence to my career. Today I realize that being a mother is not easy. FOr every decision which would be remotely selfish would make guilt run through your system and make you wonder if you are a good person.
Two years I was with him. I saw him grow, witnessed his antics, his small little tantrums, the way he started walking, making faces, repeating words. His first words, calling me ma...I remember everything and would never truly forget. And yet I collected myself, got dressed and left the house.
Sometimes being a mother is more about ensuring the future of your child. You need to compromise on the present only because you know that tomorrow is yet to come. Decisions today would alter my tomorrow. I only pray from god that I don't make a wrong one today in hope of a tomorrow!
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