Most important words any parent can say to their child, and it is not I love you

It came to me in a drunken stupor…the moment I say it people might just stop reading what I am trying to say. But the fact of the matter is…it is often when your ability to think is dimmed that you think clearly. For you only think about one important aspect and brain is too numb to interrupt that thought with unnecessary noise. And that night, as I sat enjoying a drink I realized the most important words my parents always repeated. And no…it wasn’t I love you. I guess, that is a given. It was…I believe in you. A mother myself now…still struggling and fighting the nuances that life keeps throwing at me, I realize that these words have been my biggest strength.

I was never a straight A student. Yes, perhaps above average but never a straight A. I would learn and work and get good grades. My teachers loved me and my friends…I always had many but never had any. There was something else I did spectacularly – I failed. There have been so many instances in my life that I have failed that it is not even funny! And after every failure my parents would look at me, smile and say – I believe in you. I am confident that no matter what life throws at you, you would find a way to overcome it. I believe in your abilities, your strengths and your intent. And even though you have failed…I believe that it is just one of the many battles. I believe in you!

These words have been my strength…and how! Am I a success? I know not. Certainly there are these times when I believe that I have not achieved anything in life. But the power of those words…that trust, that unshakeable faith in my abilities keeps me going. Even when I failed by the standards of the world I could feel my mum staring at me and smiling and saying – you would figure it out. And today, when I see my son struggling with a small thing and see my husband tell him the very same thing I cannot help but smile.

As parents we often forget that it is not just about telling your child that you are loved. It is giving the child that belief system, that confidence in his/her own abilities and nothing spells confidence the way a parent’s smile of comfort that the child would manage. When you tell the child that you believe in the child…it stays. A child looks up to their parents for approval…it is the first instinct. That first level of approval. And when s/he gets an approving nod…its so much easier to get up and walk again. But a frown, a sneer or a worry is killing. How deeply it affects the child perhaps cannot be explained.

So when you child falls, smile at him/her, tell them it is okay and tell them that you believe in him/her. Parents are always there and it is important to tell your child that he/she can turn to you. But more than that, tell them that you believe that they can do it themselves. Don’t look at the child’s failure and consider it a given, frown and worry about what your child would do next! Instead turn to your child, smile and shrug. Say it is okay. That You believe in him/her. That is all it takes.